There was a talk show in one of the TV channels on weddings being lavish and expensive. On one side there were people who asserted that as weddings take place only once in a person’s lifetime, they must be lavish, and any amount spent on the occasion can be justified. On the other side, there were people who said that weddings must be made simple. They were not for saving money throughout one’s life just for being spent on a single day, on needless extravaganza.
There was a time when weddings, though not simple, were not as expensive as they are at present. Here and there, there were extravagant weddings, with sumptuous food, music and dance, gorgeous attire and attractive decoration of the venue. And they were spoken about for days and months together.
That was the time of Gandhi and Periyar, and simplicity was the watchword everywhere. Such occasions of grand weddings did earn censure in some quarters. For example, Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru remarked that they formed ‘vulgar display of wealth’.
Looking at the history of the ceremony, we find that they started as extremely simple affairs. In ancient Tamil Nadu, there were no rituals at all. When a man and woman fell in love with each other, they simply started living together, proclaiming it to the outside world. Rituals made their entry, according to Tolkappiar, only when betrayals and falsehood entered the society. From this, it can be understood that weddings were merely social affairs, and religion did not enter the scene at all.
Perhaps it was inevitable that religion entered the scene as we see that all over the world, irrespective of the region or the religion, weddings have become a religious affair, with a priest having become indispensible and some kind of religious ritual accompanying it. As far as our country was concerned, wedding was a ceremony in which the whole village participated. So many rituals, which had nothing to do with religion were added to it. A close look at some of the rituals would indicate that they were introduced with a view to giving a part to all the workers and artisans of the village.
A wedding is always accompanied by a feast, wherein all the guests were fed sumptuously. Even that did not cost much because so many delicious, sweet items and snacks, which are taken for granted at present, were unknown until almost half a century ago. They were not introduced in wedding feasts. And the guests were aware that even this could be too much to bear for the host and they made cash contribution purely by way of participation. And this was more or less compulsory. Fancy gifts, most of them useless to the recipients, were introduced only recently.
Expensive silk sarees have become part of the wedding, and they do burn a hole in the purse. At least half a dozen sarees are purchased for the bride, not to speak of the inner circle, who are demanding and critical. How many people know that many communities in Tamil Nadu did not have to wear new clothings for the wedding? The bride was dressed elegantly no doubt, but with a used sense, often borrowed from some well to do friend or a relative. Another fact is that the sarees are too showy for any other occasion, and they are mostly kept in cold storage for years together.
I recently found an advertisement suggesting how to purchase jewellery for your daughter’s wedding by saving every month and something like that. All advertisements which speak of daughters’ wedding are gender biased and they must be banned. Why should jewellery be purchased at all for daughter’s wedding? Does it not amount to dowry? Do you know that many words in ancient Tamil used for denoting jewellery meant just leaves? Do you know the word ‘Thali’ originally meant ‘Palmyra leaf’ ? How far have we travelled, in the wrong direction, from the simple life which we were leading in company of nature, which contributed to unalloyed happiness?
In the show that I mentioned, a woman said that her wedding was an extremely simple affair, conducted in a temple, and yet all the essential religious ceremonies were gone through. The anchor will not leave her at that. He repeatedly asked her, “Were all the ceremonies gone through?” When she insisted that they were, he asked her, “What about bridegroom’s reception?” Poor man, he does not know that the ceremonial bridegroom’s reception is not a religious ceremony.
Weddings always took place in the bride’s residence and the bridegroom came from his place with his family members to the bride’s village the previous day. He was received on his way and was ceremoniously taken through the main streets so that all the villagers could have a good look at him. Just think how much of transformation this simple ceremony has gone through, ending up as a pompous affair, costing a lot of money and causing inconvenience to the neighbours? Should it continue at all, in these days of heavy traffic?
And regarding the food, the less said the better. Why should there be a dozen items for breakfast alone, when more than half of it is wasted? Why should so many items be served on the leaf, much more than what a human being can consume? As many participants rightly observed in the talk show, such wastage is the product of the bloated ego of the host. He wants to show off how big he is and that is all there is to it. When it is his neighbour’s turn to conduct a wedding, he wants to outshine the previous one and spends more, and the competition goes on endlessly. And, having spent so much on preparation of food, they do not care to show due hospitality to the guests. Serving food is left to the professionals, the host being nowhere to be seen. All that he wants is for people to say how many items were prepared.
One participant got irritated with those who were advocating simplicity and asked, “Why spending at all? You can register a wedding and save all the money?” His question was an attempt at derision.
Yet, it is a sound suggestion, no doubt. Heavens wont’ fall if more and more weddings take place in the presence of the registrar.
I feel it is time to start a campaign for simple weddings without gold, without dowry, without gorgeous attire, and without fanfare like bridegroom’s procession and without deafening music.
There was a time when weddings, though not simple, were not as expensive as they are at present. Here and there, there were extravagant weddings, with sumptuous food, music and dance, gorgeous attire and attractive decoration of the venue. And they were spoken about for days and months together.
That was the time of Gandhi and Periyar, and simplicity was the watchword everywhere. Such occasions of grand weddings did earn censure in some quarters. For example, Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru remarked that they formed ‘vulgar display of wealth’.
Looking at the history of the ceremony, we find that they started as extremely simple affairs. In ancient Tamil Nadu, there were no rituals at all. When a man and woman fell in love with each other, they simply started living together, proclaiming it to the outside world. Rituals made their entry, according to Tolkappiar, only when betrayals and falsehood entered the society. From this, it can be understood that weddings were merely social affairs, and religion did not enter the scene at all.
Perhaps it was inevitable that religion entered the scene as we see that all over the world, irrespective of the region or the religion, weddings have become a religious affair, with a priest having become indispensible and some kind of religious ritual accompanying it. As far as our country was concerned, wedding was a ceremony in which the whole village participated. So many rituals, which had nothing to do with religion were added to it. A close look at some of the rituals would indicate that they were introduced with a view to giving a part to all the workers and artisans of the village.
A wedding is always accompanied by a feast, wherein all the guests were fed sumptuously. Even that did not cost much because so many delicious, sweet items and snacks, which are taken for granted at present, were unknown until almost half a century ago. They were not introduced in wedding feasts. And the guests were aware that even this could be too much to bear for the host and they made cash contribution purely by way of participation. And this was more or less compulsory. Fancy gifts, most of them useless to the recipients, were introduced only recently.
Expensive silk sarees have become part of the wedding, and they do burn a hole in the purse. At least half a dozen sarees are purchased for the bride, not to speak of the inner circle, who are demanding and critical. How many people know that many communities in Tamil Nadu did not have to wear new clothings for the wedding? The bride was dressed elegantly no doubt, but with a used sense, often borrowed from some well to do friend or a relative. Another fact is that the sarees are too showy for any other occasion, and they are mostly kept in cold storage for years together.
I recently found an advertisement suggesting how to purchase jewellery for your daughter’s wedding by saving every month and something like that. All advertisements which speak of daughters’ wedding are gender biased and they must be banned. Why should jewellery be purchased at all for daughter’s wedding? Does it not amount to dowry? Do you know that many words in ancient Tamil used for denoting jewellery meant just leaves? Do you know the word ‘Thali’ originally meant ‘Palmyra leaf’ ? How far have we travelled, in the wrong direction, from the simple life which we were leading in company of nature, which contributed to unalloyed happiness?
In the show that I mentioned, a woman said that her wedding was an extremely simple affair, conducted in a temple, and yet all the essential religious ceremonies were gone through. The anchor will not leave her at that. He repeatedly asked her, “Were all the ceremonies gone through?” When she insisted that they were, he asked her, “What about bridegroom’s reception?” Poor man, he does not know that the ceremonial bridegroom’s reception is not a religious ceremony.
Weddings always took place in the bride’s residence and the bridegroom came from his place with his family members to the bride’s village the previous day. He was received on his way and was ceremoniously taken through the main streets so that all the villagers could have a good look at him. Just think how much of transformation this simple ceremony has gone through, ending up as a pompous affair, costing a lot of money and causing inconvenience to the neighbours? Should it continue at all, in these days of heavy traffic?
And regarding the food, the less said the better. Why should there be a dozen items for breakfast alone, when more than half of it is wasted? Why should so many items be served on the leaf, much more than what a human being can consume? As many participants rightly observed in the talk show, such wastage is the product of the bloated ego of the host. He wants to show off how big he is and that is all there is to it. When it is his neighbour’s turn to conduct a wedding, he wants to outshine the previous one and spends more, and the competition goes on endlessly. And, having spent so much on preparation of food, they do not care to show due hospitality to the guests. Serving food is left to the professionals, the host being nowhere to be seen. All that he wants is for people to say how many items were prepared.
One participant got irritated with those who were advocating simplicity and asked, “Why spending at all? You can register a wedding and save all the money?” His question was an attempt at derision.
Yet, it is a sound suggestion, no doubt. Heavens wont’ fall if more and more weddings take place in the presence of the registrar.
I feel it is time to start a campaign for simple weddings without gold, without dowry, without gorgeous attire, and without fanfare like bridegroom’s procession and without deafening music.
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